I drive a Mini Cooper. I love it. But it is not the most convenient car for taking three kids to school. Often the front passenger seat will be too far back or too far forward, and the kids will fight over the space. On Monday A pushed the seat back and squeezed N, who complained loudly. After I intervened A said "sorry". But he said it with that sarcastic tone and body language which conveys anything but sorry.
So we discussed how tone and body language are often more important than the words you use. They get it - even if, as usual, it seems they don't. They do. But how often and how frequent should I repeat things for the message to sink in?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
How you say things
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How often to repeat something... good question. I have two daughters, 10 and 12. Some things stick with them the first time and others bear repeating dozens, if not hundreds of times. But in addition to saying the words, I try to give them examples in real life so they have another way to understand what I am trying to teach them. The other point I constantly make is that I am not teaching them these things for me, or for their sister, or for others, but for each of them, so that they can grow up to be secure and healthy and have wonderful relationships.
I have three kids: 15, 13 and 8. And belive me: I have to repeat thousands of times the same thing. I always tell them: "I have faith"... faith some day they will internalize what I trying to tell them. But the good news is that when you are not there, the say it so naturally that if you'd be looking through a little hole, you would be realy proud of them.
On the other side, I know you have always been fond of small cars, so my advise is: think of buying a bigger one... kids grow... and a lot!!!!
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